Sorry.

Image CreditsCopyright:YekoPhotoStudio

"I'm Sorry" is a phrase I use all too often.
Even when I have done nothing wrong.

Although it isn't the new year, my promise to myself is to stop saying I'm sorry unless I have done something wrong.  I have found myself apologizing for literally EVERYTHING.  If my husband has a bad day.  If my kids make bad grades. My political opinions. And most often, my emotions. 

By nature and profession, I am an extremely empathetic and emotional person.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  

I cry.

A lot. 

Tears of sadness.

Frustration.

Happiness. 

Joy. 

Most recently I have cried at a workshop on the 5 Love Languages for Children and Teenagers. Some of the stories were hard to read, but mostly because I see the people I work with doing these things without having to be instructed or taught how to do so. But I digress. 

Most recently, my oldest son has broken my heart.  I know that people get frustrated with me for having such strong emotions.  They need to get over it.

These are MY children and I am tired of people purposely leaving me out of events and not taking into account that I am their mother.  I do not live vicariously through my children and I do my best to let them be who they are.  I do however, feel like as their mother I have earned their respect and do not feel like they need to treat me like crap. 

Soooooo many of you will tell me it is their age.  No shit. I work with teenagers every single day. 

That doesn't mean that I don't have feelings and things that they do or say to me don't hurt. 

For instance, Blake's girlfriend has come to stay for a few days.  Not at my house. At my ex-husbands house. Have I been included in anything? Nope. 

When I suggested to my son that I take him and his girlfriend out to dinner, he told me no. 

It fucking hurt. 

I am the parent that lets him be who he wants to be. I am the one that let him get his ears pierced when his father thought that kids would think he was gay. If kids are going to think that, they already do because he is the ONLY male cheerleader.  No one gives him shit about it.  

Anyway, when this happened, I was going into the grocery store. 

I had to leave and have my husband finish it up because I was going to break down in the middle of Aisle 8.  

That's when I started thinking about saying I'm Sorry.

Normally, I would immediately apologize.  But why?
Why should I apologize for my hurt feelings?
My feelings are valid.
I am his mother and I have every right to feel this way.
I'm tired of apologizing for things that are not my fault and for the way I feels and my opinions I express.
I'm not sorry at all.